Monday, 19 November 2007


I have been severely bullied by my feisty blog mate – isi - into writing a follow-up to my unscientific poll which drew to an end today and, after inadvertently ‘lifting’ laspapi’s post and reposting it as I could not recollect where I had seen the write-up, and being reminded by isi in her usual forthright manner that it was laspapi’s, I succumbed to her demand (remind me to write something about strong-minded women some time).

The poll, unscientific as it was (because we only had eight respondents), confirmed something I innately knew: men can never be winners when it comes to trying to suss out women. By that, I mean, really understanding them. We can excite them, make them happy (even to attain this seemingly simple task, then have to ‘allow’ us), we certainly can make them cry, not much effort is needed from us to make them scornful, but to understand them, really understand them, appears to be an impossible task.

It therefore appears that God manufactured women with a factory defect – it is nigh impossible to understand them.

The poll asked a simple question which I will paraphrase:

Your female partner is in the wrong on this occasion. Do you:
Apologise to her for the sake of peace?
Apologise but still try to stress your point of view?
Don’t apologise and tell her where she’s gone wrong?
Wait for her to apologise?

Four people chose option 1 while the other four chose option 2. Obviously no one chose three and four. I don’t know how many female readers (as opposed to male ones) voted, however, I do know that the question cannot be more unambiguous – your female partner is wrong on this occasion!

Why, in the name of all that’s sweet and tender, are men expected to apologise, especially in this day and age of equality? Why must we always be the peace makers? And yes, I know we shall inherit the kingdom of God; what about God’s kingdom on earth? Someone please educate me.


CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

Dear, I think in most instances it is the woman who has to cater to the man's ego by apologising when it's not her fault.
Very rarely is the scenario you have presented the case.
In any case, if I was the woman and I was right...I am not apologising for jack. But I will let it go.

Isi said...

LMAO!!!! oh jinta! aren't u one helluva guy?! lol!

ok, to the question:
men already own the world. u run the affairs that keep the world popping. u get away with almost everything u do. u are the head. the captain of the ship. the one in whose hands God has placed humanity! surely, it shouldn't be too much to ask that the woman creates a niche for herself where her teeny voice can be heard, her emotions and sensuality met and excessively pampered.
jinta, we want to be idolized.
we want for our men to love us unquestioningly and uncritically, to a point of excess! just like the ifa priest loves and idolizes his 'god'.
in the poll, i chose number 2 becos it simply stresses the point that men can be virile and sweet at the same time!
there's nothing sexy about a man that bullies and gets his way. men are built to 'get their way' so a little deviatoon from the norm is utterly trendy and sexy!!

i shall be back...

Isi said...

...and, it is also impossible to understand the man! yes it is!
how is it that a man can love... and within minutes, days, weeks, fall drastically out of it!
how does a man lose all his senses in the heat of passion, only to rise within minutes and despise the woman in whose presence he had experienced heaven?! how does a man love two...three...four women at once?!
how is he easily excited by the most inconsequential of things like the wriggle of a woman's hips?
how does he recover with ease from heartbreak, and is able to smile the next day and move on so effortlessly to another 'prey'?
talk about a gender with factory defect!

Jinta said...

@ cat - I admit we do lug around a massive amount of ego, and will deign to suggest it is part of our sheild, but that does not answer why we have to eat humble-pie when we have done no wrong. What do you think?

@ isi - your insight into 'manhood' always catches me off guard. Were you a man in your past life or are we really that simple?



Women run the world, and men know it. Thus, women must be kept happy at all costs. That is why, for the sake of peace of mind and blood pressure, men apologize to their women even when such women are in the wrong. If she is worth it, he will most definitely apologize. The benefit of peace are worth lowering the male ego, on any occasion.

Nicky said...

In response to the comments by Isi. What more can one add? She’s hit the nail on the head. I concur with my learned friend.

The scary thing is i think some of her comments apply to me!

Are the differences between men and women diminishing? Are we more similar than we care to admit?

Jinta said...

@ isi - again, might it be that sometimes when women get what they want, being pampered, idolized, etc, they see it as a sign of weakness? I think I may have experienced that. And ...

2. your point on how easy it is for us to get over heartbreak & co. is well placed. I disagree, though that this is a defect. I think, as men, we're just packed so full of defence mechanisms that if we were cars, we would include ALL optional extras, top speed, comfort, (would I be pushing it if I said 'reliability?), as well as about 2000 airbags. Hardly a defect (someone stop me if I'm going to get into trouble with this).

@ nicky - you have a very good point. Any pro bono stuff for me?

Jinta said...

@ solomon - so much wisdom! Who was it that said all wars are fought over women? I agree they run the world.

Onome said...

wat of wen men are wrong but dey still go on and on like ders no tommorow hmmm????? anyhoo.....wen a chic is wrong GENTLY REASON WITH HER..dats my opinion so i choose option b.

Isi said...

lol!! no jinta, u will not be getting into any trouble. as i see, u are one who is only eager to 'learn'. so am i.

now to ur points:

1. it is only seen as a sign of weakness when a man is loving the wrong woman. a woman who sees him as a 'mugu' (for lack of a better word) and has no interest in embracing his totality.

2. on the heart break issue... hmmmm, u made a very interesting point. i guess its ok to get all the safety gadgets ready for the fear that a crash might occur. but it is also ok to 'mourn' the loss of someone u used to hold dear to your heart (when both of u decide to go ur seperate ways).
i think i admire men for this trait- shake it off and move on!
so yes, that cannot be a factory defect.
but then again, doesn't all the safety gadgets make the man a careless driver, slamming into everyone and everything on his path? leaving a trial of disaster and pain? knowing that he is untainted/unaffected by it all? hmmm....

Isi said...

...and yes jinta, u guys are really that simple! lol!!!!

For the love of me said...

hmmm, interesting, Im not even sure if men actually apologise even when they are wrong. I can imagine my man apologising sha but that would be only because he wants peace. or something else.

30+ said...

I am so not going to get involved in one of those women vs men palava again.

Welcome to Blogville.

Omosewa said...

Welcome to blogville!!!

Hehehe if he was wrong and he knows, then he should apologise naw.

If he thinks he didnt do anything wrong, but is not sure she agrees, he should still apologise, lol.

If he knows for sure for sure that hes right, but she doesnt agree, then i say he shld still apologise:D

Nicky said...

Jinta - Re: Pro Bono, Im not feeling charitable right now. As for 2000 airbags, I dont believe that hype. You men go to your chamber at night and sob. Men appear strong because they have to.

Isi - If a man with saftey gadgets is careless and distracted and as you say slams into everything in his path, he will not remain untainted nor will he be unaffected. He will become damaged goods. There is always an effect. Air bags merely soften the blow to the passenger or whatever is occupying the vessel(feelings, spirit, whatever). Softens the blow not prevents.

I agree however that its difficult to understand men and they us. What I do know is that we need them. Who else will carry the shopping?

Back to the point. Men should apologise because we (women) love you and want to believe you are sincere. Im not sure that it matters whether or not you are telling the truth or who is wrong.

Did I really just say that! I speak on behalf of no one.

Isi said...

Ah nicky, do men actually become ‘damaged goods’? I jus dey ask o!
and yes, I agree with u, there’s a ‘cushioned’ effect when it applies to men.

Jinta said...

@ onome - i thought you would have appreciated the car analogy. Ok. Will employ gentility

@ isi - that trail of disaster you describe reminds me of dodgem cars.

@ for the love - you know us well

@ 30+ - I doubt there's a topic that has not been rehashed a million times over, just different perspectives. Thanks, and love yours.

@ Omosewa - Your honesty is palpable. Thank you and I should be saying hello shortly.

@ nicky - perhaps someone has damaged some goods along the way, pro bono? (you know I just love that phrase even when it is malapropism)

Sha said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sha said...

Interesting blog, but errr same shyt happens vice-versa tho. stop tryna make it seem like WE are very difficuly to understand. Yall just d same..
or evn worse.

Afrobabe said...

I agree with catwalq...women usually bend over just to make the man retain some attom of pride even though they both know he is a mumu...pun

anonymous gal said...

well women dont apologize coz we are WOMEN. and men should apologize coz they are MEN.afterallnamen dey do the toasting.Do i like apologizing? no even when at fault i hate it. do i like being apologized to yes. am i selfish i think so.

Don Thieme said...

Jinta - I would think that the inability of men to understand women is more of a defect in us than in them. Neither of us is a machine. We are more likely sophisticated computers which can be better programmed and designed based upon each generation's experience.

Nyemoni said...

Jinta you are funny! nIce post! I love it! I think even when women know we are right, we tend to (most of the time) soothe your egos by playin foolish even when we know the men are the!


Hey Jinta? Just checking in...

Allied said...

I think the female do more apologizing then males.

To the question, I don’t agree with any of your options, I would want the guy to tell me I am wrong and state his reasons in a gentle and caring manner.

Then I apologize.

Isi said...

jinta, where are u?!

pamelastitch said...

Teeheeheeheeeeee: hmmm, Jinta, you okay? You seem to be having some problems with the women.. :P

Jinta said...

@ sha - you know we cannot match women for mystery
@ afro - you're too hard on us
@ anon gal - true. The question is why, though? Are you suggesting it's because we do the toasting?
@ Don - deep. if we're programmed differently, is it a defect?
@ nyemoni - good for our egos.
@ solomon - still alive, thanks
@ allied - what if he's so upset he cannot convey gentleness and care?
@ isi - i'm back
@ pam - always. They seem to extend beyond my intellectual capacity.

Florida of Free Spirit said...

Am surprised u r painting the men in the image of the aplogizers. Am used to men not apologizing!!! At least, not in words. It's usually i who says 'am sorry', then they say 'am sorry too', never the oter way round.

Hi, am adding ur blog to mine, hope u don't mind.

Jinta said...

@ florida - you're a rare, refreshing breed and I dont say that with any patronage.

Don't mind at all, it's a pleasure.

ONdLOW said...

I just arrived in blogville so i never got ot vote, but i may have been the only person to have chosen...,
"Don't apologise...."
And i am female oh, b4 someone shot the famous "men ego" comment at me.

But,guys choose option no 3 only if you like to drag on an argument and be ready to choose the couch for a while.

Jinta said...

@ ondlow - honesty is the best policy, they say.

ONdLOW said...

BTW, are u male?
Oops! if not!

Jinta said...

Last time I checked, ondlow, last time I checked.