Monday, 22 February 2010

The Prevalence of Currency…

…as dominating our relationships.

The vulnerable, unsure, classically insecure man, who now finds himself in a state of relative financial well-being, has a coping mechanism to dealing with relationships he never dreamed he could attain, splash money around; and also a strategy, splash some more money around. This is quite typical of the Nigerian male, some of whom indulge in now common-place corrupt practices in order to fund the impression of possessing an endless well of money. Another category of man who is poor in every sense of the word also will aspire to be like our man. On this side of the pond our friends who engage in full time jobs as bank fraudsters and credit card forgers are well known.

Show me a man that works 70 hours a week (and I mean works, not someone doing some pseudo routine impression such as leaving home at 1.00pm and ending up at a ’joint’ with the lads) who spends money without thinking and I will show you a liar.

Our women folk have cottoned on to the weakness of the classical man described above by customarily asking him for money. If, during one of his few moments of clarity he decides he does not have the money he will be told in no uncertain terms that he is tight. You should not be surprised when a woman tells her friend, “he’s so tight his bum squeaks when he walks”. There is no thought as to whether or not the man has the money, if he has other plans, can he afford it, or if simply he believes in spending his money according to his wishes.

The pattern is simple: the woman’s mother is ill and she needs money for hospital treatment; or her father is dying with typhoid; or her brother got run over by a hit and run driver; even grannies have been known to die for the cause and she needs money, being the first child, to be able to meet her financial obligations during the burial rites. The more confident woman will ask straight off, “Give me some money so I can look nice for you”.

Then the man, who has seen and heard it all before, possibly stringing 4 or 5 girls along at the same time and listens to the same chorus everyday as if the girls get together to practice, gives her the money anyway. He also knows from discussions at the joint that each of the girls he is stringing along has also 4 or 5 men they are stringing along too, hedging their bets. The heart-wrenching thing is, everyone knows what is going on, however, the man consoles himself by saying she’s not exclusive to him, while the woman says the same but adds to herself, ‘well, I’m a woman, who else am I supposed to ask money from?’.

The unasked question is, had the man not been in the picture, from where would the woman have got the money?

It’s a vicious circle.

I cannot believe how many articles, how many blogs I have read where women condemn the syndrome of a disrespectful, insensitive, abusive and uncaring man but seem incapable of marrying that syndrome to the fact that the man’s perception of them is that if he had had no money, they would not have touched him with a barge pole. Many commentators’ first instinct here too will be to say they do not need a man’s money, however, by the following week, they will be asking him for money in one form or another.

35 comments:

mizchif said...

*sigh*

My ever cynical Jinta.
I have nothing to say to this post, because..................you a'int lied.

P.s: you should blog more often.

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

"if he had had no money, they would not have touched him with a barge pole"

Ah, Jinta, na wa for you oh! Many men (emphasis on many and please note I did not say all) set themselves up for failure. Why would you want to be with a woman that would not have wanted you before you had/gave off the impression of having money? And, if a man is that way (wanting to be with the sort of woman that wouldn't have wanted you before you started spending), then I must say he is a sucker who deserves what he gets.

It's the same thing for us women. Don't get me wrong, any chick who is with a man that would not want to be with her if she didn't have the long Indian yaki, fake nails or eye color for instance, is also setting herself up for failure.

So, yes, while it is supposedly the way of the world that a man must spend that money to have the ladies flock to him, that man must not now complain when the ladies flock and demand that the money keeps flowing.

And since I have been putting off a post on this issue for a long time, I must say, Uncle Jinta, that you have inspired me to stop being lazy and start writing on this issue.

Hoping all is well!

Myne Whitman said...

SSD has spoken my mind. A few movies show the rich guys going under disguise to find a woman that really cares. No none really needs to go that far, just be yourself instead of throwing money around.

Shubby Doo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shubby Doo said...

@SSD-cosign.

@jinta - goodness me jinta...abeg ease up. Plus u must be honest and blame the men too. Haba, Why string 4-5 girls along, forever dashing them cash? everybody is playing a game and that includes the guy being taxed for money. Makes bullshit sense to me

I remember at uni, a girl use to say she would rather ride a limo as a widower then ride a bicycle with her husband. I thought she was crazy. In all truth, most people want a rich life... There is Nothing wrong with that if it's balanced and u are spending an approprite amount of cash compared with what u make. What bill gates thinks is appropriate pass my own sha o!

it is sad that for some...living the good life must be by all means necessary. I've seen guys popping big bottle champers to keep up with their male friends cos it is expected. Only to be assualted by the bouncers when they try and leave without paying. I know women that only want to do this looking good thing to keep other girl's hands off their man...for so many it's about keeping up with the joneses...with a lot of naija folks it is about appearance... creating that false perception that if u own it u must be rolling in it and thus u're someone to be hailed.

Granted we (human beings) all like good things but we aint all magpies.

Personally I like good things and since I'm not married I get them for myself when I get paid. I work so I have no problem with spending my cash. I also don't mind presents with no strings attached so I've made a rule that I only accept things from family or boyfriends that I'm in a serious relationship with (abeg I no fit dey do that 'off pant, tear bra' rubbish just cos I accepted a gift from a random dude...lai lai)

If I wasn't working then it would be different. Heck when I'm married, it will be different cos I'm not going to be about the monthly trips abroad, channel dresses, prada bags, louboutins shoes and diamond jewellery with my kids school fees to pay... unless we can afford it!!!

Funms-the rebirth said...

hmmm well written.
SSD has spoken i believe on behalf of most women and i am with her....

Jinta said...

* mizchif - thank you for the validation

...and i will blog more often. lol

* ms sydelle - always i look forward to your comments. you will note that the 1st paragraph of my post describes that 'sucker'.

i cant wait for you to start writing on that issue - will be good to see a woman's perspective

* myne whitman - some of those men will not even get to first base if they did not spend. there is a joke going around that when peter crouch was asked what he would have been were he not a footballer, he responded with "a virgin".

* shubby doo - lol, shubs-a-daisy. you start your comment with a request that i ease up but then go on to state exactly my case. you must remember that i have not given the man a pass mark in this craziness, is why i described him at the begining of the post.

a friend who used to be agm at equitorial trust bank told me december that so many of his banker colleagues leave the country when they lose their jobs, because they no longer can afford their nightly visits to ikoyi club, the subscriptions which had hitherto been paid by their employer. leaving the country because they cannot afford ikoyi club, for crying out loud!

lmao on 'off bra, tear pant' business. do tell please, where i can send presents to you?

Jinta said...

* funms - i need someone, though, to help me interprete what ssd meant by 'long indian yaki'. it makes me laugh which is totally mad as i dont know what it means

Shubby Doo said...

lol @jinta (AKA random blog dude) -keep your present o! actually i'm not fronting...you're blog family so abeg send it jare... do i get to choose cos i think the valentino tuxedo 360 bag (at over $2000) is a real steal... especially if i'm not paying!!! lol

p.s
leaving the country cos of no ikoyi boat club membership... ROTFLMAO...

kai... honestly some nigerians need to wake up and smell the freaking coffee... what kind of morals are we teaching the younger generation? (actually dont answer that cos i already know the sad and ugly truth)

Jinta said...

* shubby - at the risk of sounding like one of those 'sucker' (thanks, ssd) men that i describe in this post, valentino bag on the way. small price to pay for tearing down victoria's secrets.

fantasy queen said...

"if he had had no money, they would not have touched him with a barge pole"

i see that couple everyday....thats life. money talks,it gets you heard and it sure says sweet things.

i love SSD's response.

AlooFar said...

hahaha, cynicism at its best.

Thumbs up Mr. Jinta.

miz-cynic said...

I also have first hand experience of how guys also "put their best leg forward" so to speak by "overtripping" or overcreating a bouyant lifestyle to the babe in the initial stages of a relationship and sharply declining to the pitiful stage of either borrowing money from chic for outings they do or going dutch and in this case thou the scales have fallen off from the chics eyes so to speak and shes back to reality...the big question is "why the fuck do u paint a picture u cant maintain just to suck a girl in...wht if i was rily materialistic and all i got attracted to was the trippings et al, would i be blamed or would i be the perfect posterchild for this aloofar post if i also promptly disappear, cos thr was deceit on his part too.so nobody holy pass

Jinta said...

* fq - i too see that couple. you're so right

* alooFar - thanks my brother

* miz-cynic - that is why i describe the man as an insecure little twerp. he must lead with what he does not have is what makes him the twit he is.

my post is more about the woman though, who 'forces' the reluctant male to go against his good sense simply because of the misplaced notion that he does not want to lose the girl.

no, you would not 'be the perfect posterchild for this aloofar post' if you ran off, however, you will be for this jinta post. lol

SHE said...

If a smart lady meets 4 or 5 suckers who know that the lady only wants what she can get from them, and they still keep spending, then who is she to complain?

Jinta, abeg o!

SHE said...

If a smart lady meets 4 or 5 suckers who know that the lady only wants what she can get from them, and they still keep spending, then who is she to complain?

Jinta, abeg o!

Jinta said...

* she - the 1st problem is the 4 or 5 suckers each have 4 or 5'smart ladies' of their own

the 2nd problem is the 'smart lady' then demands respect and complains if it is not forthcoming

NoLimit said...

Both parties are guilty!!!
Don't understand why people love to live a lie...
Ahhh I just got inspired...off to put a post up!!!

Tatababe said...

lol!!! I see u've got jokes sha hehehe....I think both parties (who play this their money game) are guilty so no one of them should complain.
Personally, I don't understand why ppl spend so much energy trying to be someone else...it's so much easier being oneself.

Jinta said...

* no limit - i agree.

cant wait to see your post

* tatababe - i refer to my response to myne whitman. some men will not even get to first base if they were themselves, such is the nature of the girl who only looks for a certain type of man. let's be realistic, which girl wants to join you everyday in a danfo if you're poverty stricken?

deola said...

Hmmm

Suru said...

This is a really thoughtful post and I think SS has said what I wanted to say.

joicee said...

Jinta...you don come again o hehe

money is important in relationships, afterall 50% of marriages fail due to the financial stress

The thing is, I believe that you attract what you reflect..a man that feels he needs to use money as a bait to attract women will end up attracting golddiggers and it goes both ways.

doll said...

to play the devil's advocate...when the guy is in need of sex..does he want to know if the woman is in the mood, is favorably disposed, is sore, etc before complaining of blue balls and sulking

Jinta said...

* deola - hmmm?

* suru - i hear you

* joicee - or he ends up being celibate if he doesn't reflect something better than a danfo-jumping clerk at a photocopy shop? (nothing against danfo-jumping clerks o, before the salt of the earth lay into me)

* doll - played well, however, it is a known fact that guys more easily get into the mood that girls, so some 'understanding' from the girl's part is required. lol

Sherri said...

waoh!
jintasco, na ur face be dis?
google alert has failed!

how bodi?
the prevalence of currency? did u mean the perversion of everything sacred?
is it poverty? moral decadence?

how bodi?

i don miss u o

Jinta said...

* sherri - ha sherri. thought you were in retirement. i'm excited to see you. how goes?

Uzezi said...

cynical post. no comment. but really blame the guy who made the girl desperate to learn schemes

Naijalines said...

The prevalence of currency is due to the in-bred materialism of naija society. Period.

Men like their women to dress expensively and look good. Guys should not look at Prada girls if they can't afford Prada! You only have to look at Naija unis and see what it's all about. Guys never go after the well behaved plain looking girls. Nooooo!!! They are always after the prada clad ones who look like they just stepped out of vogue. Where is the money coming from? You know it ain't her money! So no complaints o. LOL.

Jinta said...

* uzezi - zayzee blames the guy?

* naijalines - is there anyone on God's earth that does not like good-looking things?

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

Uncle Jinta, I came for an update. Jinta aahhhh

Hoping all is well oh!

Bond Girl said...

Jinta hon surely you are not re-living some traumatic past experience in this latest gloomy piece.
Well as a person lay's their bed, so shall they sleep on it. When the money is gone so will the guy/gal. An ibo friend who is a nurse to me their (nurses within the igbo community in the US)nickname is 3 square meals. I find a lot of guys are also unwilling to be saddled with liabilities as some women are labelled. Hmmm this is an age old discussion that will never be reconciled.

miz-cynic said...

sorry its cos i feel/think/know that u guys are friends in real life or wht the heck...it was just a slip of tongue.

LovePaprika said...

Very well said...

prashant said...

: you should blog more often.
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