Wednesday, 23 April 2008

To Marry Or Not?

It seems to me there is one seemingly never-ending season of nuptials going on, which leads me to wonder at the veracity of the institution. I’ve been there, done it and can tell you it’s one of the few acceptable modes of procreation (and, in a some cases, breeding). Some people claim companionship, however many individuals end up being more lonely in a marriage than out of one, so I will not include that point. Others claim love, something that is so relative and so totally subjective, it is impossible to adequately define.

For a man, being in his 30's and financially secure is not necessarily a prerequisite for marriage, and the fact that he does not propose to a woman does not mean he wants to play the field, he may simply find marriage to be a scary commitment, especially if he lives in the west where wives are wont to kick their husbands out of the marital home.

I do have to be honest, though, in saying that there are some axis a man would revolve around which are not conducive to being single, especially big money circles. Men here tend to believe that the support of a good (‘good’ being the operative word) woman is essential for a man’s stability of mind and coolness of head. But where will you find a ‘good’ woman that will stay sweet? That will not transform into Cruella Deville? That special woman who will not change after she digs her talons into you? Don’t get me wrong, I swear they’re out there, they just seem to be very good at hiding.

For most people all over the world, marriage is seen as a sort of progress marker and in some cases, their partners as accessories to be shown off for their worth and their looks, not for the companionship and lifelong partnership they're supposed to provide. Again, at a certain stage in life, a single woman faces an uphill task, so the itch for marriage starts in their 20’s (bearing in mind women are a lot more mature than men of the same age, anyway).

Women seem to see more romance in the wedding ceremony than men. Of course, they also look for a good man to share the marriage with, but here’s the crunch, they’re not as fearful when getting into a committed relationship as men. Indeed, women have been known to point out the male fear of commitment as a sign of immaturity. The concept of a ‘good’ man also seems to change from that of a ‘good’ woman – secure, confident, it helps if he is solvent, a bonus if he is a romantic. Does that man exist? If he is, does he enjoy being a playa? Has he already been snagged?

93 comments:

Afrobabe said...

Firsssssssssssssssst..lol..I for kill u oh..

Afrobabe said...

What do you mean by good women are hiding...see me here!!!

marriage is a scarey prospect to both men and women..I for one want to get married so I can have legal sex!!!

Jinta said...

* afro - lmao. i was just laughing at your comment on the previous post about being 1st and you made it. you must be wired to a computer

something tells me that whatever sex you indulge in will have to be termed as legal, whether i like it or not.

also, i'm sure it has been said that 'illegal' sex is more exciting.

darkelcee said...

ope ooo

this man has updated! yipeee

darkelcee said...

yeah we aint fearful marriage cos we mostly go into it with all our heart and without inhibition.
Which we cant say for you guys!

of course, i will say yes to "to marry" or do you want mama abeke to hala me?

Jinta said...

* darkelcee - lol at 'ope'

the heart rules for women, as you say. hmmm. i wonder what rules the man? it certainly does not appear to be the head, at least, not the one that seats on top of the neck

naijalines said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
naijalines said...

It's the same for women as well as men. Finding a suitable partner is not always easy. But it happens.

Just open your eyes wide, look where you're going and find who you can make that journey with, NOT who is going to take you there. (This applies especially to the ladies but guys can use it too.)

And guys, there's more to a lady than looking like she just stepped out of Rodeo Drive. Look beyond the designer underwear and the polished fingernails, you'll find what you need to know before you go in deep.

darkelcee said...

sometimes you guys act as if you were forced or tricked into it!

I'll need you kind sir to answer that question.Since i believe you represent that specie!

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

na wa for afrobabe, she just dey carry "furst" everywhere...

Let me go read...


NIGERIAN CURIOSITY
IT WAS SO MUCH EASIER WHEN I ONLY HAD ONE...

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

HHmm, my opinion remains the same, we get what we ask for. I really don't think that women all of a sudden become "cruella". If they do, then they have always been cruela and their mate simply ignored that characteristic from the beginning for whatever reason.

Men are afraid of commitment because society encourages men to 'sow their oats' and quantifies them by how far said oats have been sown. That's all. Once more men start to view marriage and commitment outside of the confines of that stereotype, the better for them. Its just marriage for goodness sake! Its not rosy and peachy all the time. Men need to think of it as a business - with obligations and needs that must be met daily. But, with incredible rewards - a loving partner that understands your needs and will prop you up when you are too tired to stand tall, feed you when you are too tired to eat and share your dreams, visions and ideals. Some days will better than others, but if careful consideration, planning and faith are put into the relationship in the very beginning, couples can make it through.

So, cheer up, Uncle Jinta. All is not lost. There are many good women out there. You just have to be in the right frame of mind. If we all take the time to consider our own short comings and analyzed how to improve upon ourselves, we'll have a better idea at how to comport ourselves in our relationships as well.

Okay, I have typed a thesis here it seems. But, you can check out MY THOUGHTS ON MARRIAGE and make sure you take care of you, ok?

God bless.

Ms Sula said...

Well, I read (by bloxploring or blogwhoring whatever you wanna call it) that you and Afrobabe will make a good couple... so see? All good women are not hidden! :)

And I also read a very convincing (game)theory on Nine's blog that has made me feel very validated in my status...

But to be honest, I'm with Afrobabe... The deep, dark reason why I want to get married is to have sex on-demand... often, early and twice on sunday... (because Solomon taught us that sex on saturday is highly hasardous! Ha!)...

But by all means, very nice blog!

Nine said...

Lol@ms sula and afro
The heart does NOT rule for women.They can be remarkably cold blooded about the whole thing.In my experience,women do tend to get married for security rather than romance.I'm not saying they marry the largest wallet,or that personality and compatibility do not come into play,but scary numbers of women get married to guys who will keep them "comfortable".

And guys do mature later than girls.AND we're proud of it!Girls mature faster;biological imperative.

30+ said...

I say to you Marry.

I believe you have been claimed on one blog I read (comments section). So unknown to you (as mostly the case), machineries are in motion to get you walking that Aisle again.
Just take courage and bite the bullet - lol.

Peace be with you.

guerreiranigeriana said...

i was just coming to give you hell about updating...

...lol @ afro and ms. sula...i do agree that the certainty of sex on demand at anytime makes marriage a very desirable thing (as long as ole boy can keep up...if not, na deal-breaker!!...maybe even grounds for divorce)...i do, however, have this love-hate relationship with vulnerability, which you need to be in a committed relationship and marriage...that and my own need/desires to 'taste the rainbow' or 'explore the treasures of the world' (in plain english-shag plenty men), make me a little apprehensive about marriage...and men's needs to constantly be tasting the rainbow as well (shei, i don't plan on sharing)...

...since i have not yet really gotten around to tasting as much as i would like (i am picky about who i sleep with, was raised mormon by naija parents, first born, deathly afraid of stds and have the damn devil and stupid angel constantly arguing in my ear about what i should do regarding this whole sex thing-doesn't work too well for wanting to shag alot!), i'll have to say that ssd has illuminated some pertinent points for consideration with marriage...anyway...all this sex has my head definitely distracted...i don't care to really engage in much more philosophy...deuces!!!...

guerreiranigeriana said...

chai...i don't even know what i just babbled about...sorry o!!...

Jinta said...

* naijalines - wise words about ladies who look like they just stepped out of rodeo drive, you should have seen the way i gulped air just at the image. ok, so its time to stop being shallow, i agree

* darkelcee - i think some men may feel they were deceived when they see 'true colour' and realise that that sweet, loving woman actually has feelings and can express them in no uncertain way

i just realised that question is quite tough...

i think the penis rules the man initially, then fondness and comfort with the familiar, then some form of affection

* ms sydelle - too wise, too wise. you're right there is no doubt in that the badness of people would always have been on display, we just choose to ignore them.

me fine, thank you for the kind words. i shall check out your thots on marriage

* ms sula - you know how many times i proposed to afro and she declined? 37 times!

i thot one of the most attractive things about marriage was sex on demand, then i found that i had 100x more sex as a single man than as a married one. for me, being a man, i discovered it should have been called 'sex with conditions': you had to be nice all the time and keep her happy and sweet in order to get some. i mean, what happened to all the sex we had on the kitchen chest freezer and the dining table and in the car and on the park bench and in the lavatory, before we got married? nada

* nine - tis true that some women can be quite cynical and cold when it comes to choosing a partner, maybe moreso now than before?

* 30+ - i'm lacking in courage right now and i'm sure it will be for a long time. i also trust you've got my back, so no shaking when they plan

Jinta said...

* g-nigeriana - your comment was no babble. i suspect you are right in the desire to 'taste the rainbow' for most, and i'm seaching for the man that will tell me he has sex on demand after a couple of years of marriage (maybe it works for women).

lol at the devil and the angel having a go in your ears. for me, the devil won a long, long time ago, just now trying to bring the angel back into play

Jinta said...

* solo - just read your 'thots on marriage'. i agree a marriage will work based on mutual respect, most break down after one or both partners stops acting in good faith.

lol at your husband's love of mangos, my ex would probably have thrown them out and then gone on to deny it, or find a way to make them inedible, or offer them to guests, or something

Honeywell said...

mehn, i don't know where you have been looking, but us good women are here oh.....

As for the "good" man, they are usually hidden in open spaces..... they just need a little growing up, at least in my situation.... good men are not hiding, we women tend to look in the wrong places sometimes...

and the jadedness dripping from this post is not easy at all oh.... but then, who am i to judge? :)

Omosewa said...

Lmao@breeding

I think marriage is fun, when its with the 'right' person.

Worrido? I'm looking for anoda Akanfe cause i dont like to share, Desy can have u...:D

Uzo said...

There are good men and women out there. I find that men and women close their eyes to the this that matter and are blinded by the wrong things - hotness, money, pedigree and all too often end up with the wrong people. I think being in love and feeling like you have found a person that you can face the rest of your life with is a magnificent thing. It feels amazing.

I think that people also give up too easily - she cant make amala, let me divorce her. So that is a bit simplistic but think also that a lot of people dont put in the work required to make marriages work.

I also believe that there are some people that are loners, fundamentally unable to share themselves with another person - so not meant to be married.

I guess for me, i would like to believe that the individuals involved dictate the terms of their marriage and should not look to others for templates or formulas as clearly there are none

anonymous gal said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
anonymous gal said...

Good women dey o(read my present post)
see this marriage thing, i want to believe I (let me speak 4 me) will marry 4 love. but by the time pressure sets in and may b some mega rich dude will wipe me off my feet i might actually think im in love. Almost evri one thinks they are in love on their weddin day.
4 women afta sch the next thing is marriage its all the the invinsible hierachy that rules life. 4 men afta sch, they start workin then buy a car then marriage. its like nursery sch- primary school-secondary...

anonymous gal said...

in ans to ur quest Jinta i will say yes to marry.

For the love of me said...

I don't think people suddenly become 'cruella' and this applies to both men and women, they had always been, and we just werent looking deep enough,maybe because the sex was too good for anyone to care about much else.

It's easier for women to seem less scared of committment simply cos women endure more. You would be amazed at what a lot of women take in marriages or relations, just because they can. I think men simply do not have such patience. As Uzo said, if a gal can't make Amala, the guy may think she should take a walk.
Marriage is a good thing.Really.So fear not.

Ms. emmotions said...

jinta ?
have u answered me yet?
ok if yes then how u dey?

to your post, if am goin to ve to comment on this, it will be so long that it probablly will loose its form and structure, so let me just wait and listen to wat u guys ve to say,
one of these days, am going to write somethin on this....soon

cheers dude!

Jinta said...

* honeywell - i did swear there are good women out there, maybe as you say, we look in wrong places

hahaha. you're quite right about me being jaded, didnt realise it was that obvious, but life teaches you a lot

* sewa - marriage with the right person is always fun when one of them does not 'turn'. i find that when it is the woman that turns, other women ask 'what did the man do'?, as if it is always the fault of the man and badness can be justified

about you looking for another akanfe, i suggest you read solomonsydelle and uzo's comments, that relationships have challenges. will you run at the first sign of one?

* uzo - i readily conceed that, in the past, i have been led by the nether parts of my anatomy and, even now, my attraction must be as a result of at least some aesthetic value, however, i also looked for decency and kindness and humanity and determination and ambition, all those things i like in people; unfortunately, if one is determined to hide traits from you and you're naive, they will hide successfully, is my story

Jinta said...

* anon gal - i believe women will be more clinical in choosing a partner than a man; success, i think, lies in a man being clinical as well, like solomonsydelle's comment suggested, also discussing everything ( i thought i did)

i just deleted a long response i had written here detailing why singlehood rocks for me now, it would have exposed too

* for the love - perhaps you're right, but again, experience helps in being able to look deep to see flaws you cannot work with. i must confess i saw some but thot them inconsequential, afterall, who's perfect?

* ms emmo - i have answered you o!

I eagerly await your thots on this issue. i feel i know that your stance is fairly traditional on these man-woman issues, but i'm not sure on the marriage issue. will keep my eyes open for your comment

Free-flowing Florida said...

ok, so am going to sound like a feminist/amazon woman right here, but hey am sure u've already concluded dat am one, so here it goes:

WTF does a 'good' woman or man mean anyways? Some1 to take d other person's shit without protesting? with one day deciding dat enough is enough? without one day demanding 'hey buster, treat me right or ...'? with paying d person back i their own coin?? if daz wot a good woman is, den i never want 2 b one. neither am i looking 4 such a man. Only God can love unconditionally, 4 d rest of us human being 'wot u sow is exactly (or more, hardly ever less) dan wot u reap'.

as 4 being scared of marriage, believe me am more scared of it dan my man is. Him being with wot pple would describe as a stable home - dad loves mom, mom loves dad, & everyone is so lovable - he sees only d god side of marriage. I, on d other hand, am from d home where dad despices mom & mom thinks dad is a scumbag & bonafide asshole, well as u can expect my opinions of marriage r different

but den, marriage is one area of life dat has suffered a great deal of stereotyping. but d plain truth is, one marriage is different 4rm another & so wot applies 2 one won't apply 2 another. If a woman wants a accessory 4 a husband, by all means let her go 4 it, as long as d man she marries is well aware dat that is d role he is primarily fulfilling. No 1 should judge this couple! they have sought & found wot they want. if another wants a man who would help her win d contest of d most adorable/loving/self-sacrificing.ass-licking couple of d century, all well & good, so long as they find someone who agrees 2 this goal.

where i have a problem with is 2 pple wit diff directions marrying & insisting dat their partner go exactly where they were aiming at, without their partners consent. & den later hold it over their partner's head 4 being a bad husband/wife.

anyways, dat said, jinta u need 2 visit my blog. some interesting conversation is flowing as regards u 7 afrobabe & everyone wants 2 know ur take on it. Afro has already said her piece

ciao

doll said...

LMAO@Women seem to see more romance in the wedding ceremony than men. So true

Jinta said...

* florida - your comment serves to reinforce my question: why marry?

i was on my way to yours anyway. i'll get my skates on

* doll - glad you agree

Desy said...

honestly, i've given up on tryin to find a man who's ready... i'm just hopin i'll find someone who likes me enough to hang around...lol

my parents are such good friends, and that's the foundation of their relationship. this is the reason why they'll never divorce... that and haitian tradition..lol. they really do set a good example

and because i have been raised by a man (mostly), he taught me long ago that a woman should never be excited about the wedding... it's the marriage that matters... and some women lose sight of that... i may actually get eloped (with my parents there of course) and just throw a big party post elopement for my friends

com'mon jintu... you kno a good woman when u see one don't you?

Doja said...

There are good women every where, it is good men that are hiding.

Please remember to invite me when you are walking down the aisle with afrobabe!

Sherri said...

what's ur definition of "good woman" and "good man" lol

btw, why is omosewa giving u away?

Queen of My Castle said...

LOL @ Afrobabe! I feel her plight on the whole "legal" sex thing.

I have been pondering a lot about marriage, and also having been there and done that, I think I am scared as hell to re-marry. Don't know why.

The Indecent One..... said...

lmao!

I endorse this post mehn...yup! women need to be less emotional and more logical. Even merely looking @ a wedding website, u can see it's the lady who's wriiten every word...lol

having said dat, i agree with good women hiding, infact who or wat is a good woman? I wont even call my self a good woman coz i have a lot of issues i need a shrink to take a look @, but i think the men are looking 4 100% perfect. and i doubt if that exists.....everyone should learn to settle for someone who is 60% sane and 40% insane...worreva the percentage. as long as the sanity out weighs the insanity.
I say, take ur time...marriage will come to each his own....God intended so

guerreiranigeriana said...

i don tag you...omo come and see the rules and then do yours...

Omosewa said...

Hehehe, nothing's gonna change my love for you AK...*blowkiss*

I used to think that way for a long time, i've grown up now...some women have serious scoinscoin.

I just saw your company, ahn ahn you're balling o, i want to be like you when i grow up:D

Jinta said...

* desy - i like you enough, only question is: what do i do with myself while hanging around, diy?

* doja - methinks afro will probably be finished with me before we reach the aisle. lol

* sherri - thanks for noticing. omosewa got bored of me too easily.

how come you're coming over on my birthday without as much as a hola?

* QomC - me too, queen, me to. just cant see it happening. when you've been there, you realise how easy it is for things to go awry, and sometimes, that love (however it's defined) cannot surmount all

* inde - i will even take 50-50

* g-nigeriana - consider me tagged. been making my way round the circuit slowly. will jump on you right away (for some reason, you bring out the 'play' on my words)

* 'sewa - my love is like the olympic flame, can never be quenched (despite the protesters).

if you be like me when you grow up, you will end up with a stem and 2 nuts - not sure you'd like that

what did you see and how come?

Omosewa said...

Euwwwwww, ok i want to be like ME.

You need to pay me for the info:D

Ms. emmotions said...

ah ! but i cant seem to stay away from this , too juicy .....

ok my take on this ....

jinta, true u ve been there and love however its defined alone cant keep u in a marriage,
how easy it is for things to go bad? true so very easy dude, but have u asked why?

marriage in its contxt have been claimed to be the most difficult institution to venture into and be successful, however alota people claim when entered into with the right person makes it easier to handle, but how do u define RIGHT PEOPLE? ( would write on this ..shortly)

let me drive some facts home here jinta,

why are women of today sayin almost the same ting about marriage, singin the same songs about how mariage is overated and and how the cant survive another one?

one thing jinta, just one thing
!
they are unabl;e to compromise alittle, however little to keep their happiness,

COMPROMISE JINTA, thats the key word, nothin in life is easy to come by, how difficult is it to compromise alittle for happines?
no matter how we look at it, we did soon realise we need companionship, not such that can be attained by just datin, naaaaa,
i mean u waking up at ur old age to ur wife\husband, havin someone to take ur madness or give u madness, some one to shout at, be angrry wit and all,

African women now forget their place in this worldof ours in the name of so called 'modern ways'

JINTA, wether u agree to this or not, a womans place after she attains a particular age is in her husbands home not ur mothers home and a man is expected to have a woman in the house, to give children, to live and be happy wit jinta,
being sucessful is not defined by how well u are established or how rich u are, naaa, how is ur marriage? how are u able to take kare of ur home front? it counts as part of being successful too.

their is no worry in bein schooled but not throwin away the important things in life is IT.

am properly schooled, i work, i make my money but it still has not changed my african view jinta,

ok tell me jinta, whats ur gr8est fear about remarryin? ( am sori if am being too direct here)

dont tell me this woman in ur life now dosnt give u drama ones in a while? but thats wat makes it LIFE, it tells u that u are alife jinta, i can understand if u are scared to get a bad woman but not when u are scared of being married itself,

alota people have had bitter experiences which leaves divorce or seperation as the only option this u can query them on, but i tell u , when we learn to take little inconviniences, we did truly be happy jinta,

u see why i didnt want to say anything? this is just a preamble...let me run

Ms. emmotions said...

preamble jinta, but really got to go back to workkk

pink gloves said...

jinta marriage is scary to both parties. At least 4 me as a woman, it is scary. Sometimes i cant see myself balancing the whol thing. But only God knows. a good man- is different for everyone.
A man that isnt ready to comit is just that. nothing more nothing less. I dont think a desire to "nest" makes u more mature than the next.

Bunmmy said...

my 2 kobo tots...

i think there's always a place where reality meets fantasy, at that point is where all fears are conquered..so it is marriage wise. bad marriages happen to good men and women. it's all about commitment.

Jinta said...

* sewa - i go pay o, i beg, tell me. i thot we were in love nah

* ms emmo - now you see why i wanted your opinion? i look forward to your post on the matter

to answer your question directly, my 2 greatest fears of remarriage are:
a) lazy, grabbing, greedy women who want to reap where they do not sow. i live in london and i know of many people who have not been as lucky as i; i know of a guy who owned properties and now lives in one room and stacks shelves in a supermarket at night, after his wife finished with him. of guys whose wives bring boyfriends home in the presence of their husbands, and yes! they are nigerians. why? becos this society allows it. i was luckier than most, i believe, even though my losses, both material and otherwise, are still incalculable.
b) jazz-wielders. i dont care how much they try to hide it or demonise me for saying it, many naija women indulge in jazz practices. i really believe, as dramatic as it may sound, that my life cannot survive another bout of jazz attacks, eating things of unknown origin with my food, having my clothing and shoes and underwear go missing in my marital home, and all that.

how's that for a straight answer, ms emmo?

* pink gloves - is the desire to 'nest', as you say, more common with females than males?

Ms. emmotions said...

jinta,

ur fears are noted but summed up wrongly if i might say,
u shuld say u are scared of bad women not marriage in its entireity, i would ve been scared if u went about how marriage itself is ur problem,
good things are hard to come by but at the same time u dont expect to get good things from bad environment,

i believe srongly that ' ugly things/people do and bring ugly things '

answer truthfully to ur self now jinta,

how and where did u meet these women wit the xteristics u ve enumerated above?
wat environment? wat senarios? wat do they do?

u dont expect to get a saint from a coven do u?

i tell people jinta, guard ur love jealously, dont give it out just anyhow or to just anybody,
circumstances and environments which we find our significant others have a major role to play with how they turn out,

u ve not met a good woman jinta, i swear u did be singin a new song.

jazz, a woman that jazzes u up is either insecured which may reslut from wat u do or the way u treat her, OR she is plain greedy, if thats the case, the question is how do u get a good woman?

now, a woman bringin in boyz into ur home....ok, so she is loose, but there must be a problem someehere, she either has been that way befor u married her or something....
this biols down to gettin to know who u are marrin and wat u are gettin into jinta,

my prayer for u is for God in his infinite mercy to bring u a woman that will make u sing a new song,

i tell people keep urself and environment good and clean and good and clean things will come to u
]
shallom !!!

Jinta said...

* bunmmy - i hear you when you say it is not the institution that's wrong, but some people

* ms emmo - clearly we're not going to agree on this but i see you write from the point of innocence.

personally, i am more scared of marriage than bad women. a bad woman, whatever that is, who is not in my life can do me little harm. one that is in my life by marriage and to whom i've exposed all my vulnerabilities can cause untold damage.

it is instructive that you say: "a woman that jazzes u up is either insecured which may reslut (sic)from wat u do or the way u treat her..." - so is it ok for a woman to use jazz on you because she feels you do not treat her right? correct me if i'm wrong, but are you saying it is ok for a woman to use jazz if she feels insecure?

as much as i respect your opinion, your quote above is why we cannot agree on this. it gives this impression that i seem to get everywhere that it's ok to use jazz as long as a woman has a reason.

Ms. emmotions said...

u misunderstand me jinta,

but how can i agree to jazz ? its crazy , anyhow u look at it jazz is not justifiable , gosh !!!!
how would u even think such and am sure no body in their right sense will tell u so, NEVER JUSTIED....JAZZZ

Ms. emmotions said...

jazz, a woman that jazzes u up is either insecured which may reslut from wat u do or the way u treat her, OR she is plain greedy, if thats the case, the question is how do u get a good woman?

that line above clearly is not to promote jazz....jinta - gry, am tryin to mention one two reason why a woman may want to go diabolic, u didnt pick want i wanted u to from above,

i ve got to beat time now jinta...
JAZZ is out of it oooo, goodness me, why then did i say u cant get a saint from a coven?

abeg ooo, where i come from, its mention alone is a taboo

Ms. emmotions said...

am becomin a nuisance wit these typos

Jinta said...

* ms emmo - lmao!!

when i picture you, i see a 6ft tall, elegant and sophisticated woman with the right touch of tradition about her, i dont picture you with 'ifunpa' or 'igbadi' and 'adó' under your cloths. i was not implying that you condoned jazz, i only thot that, academically, you minimised the tragedy of it and i wanted to stress that it causes a lot of problems in nigerian homes

Uzezi said...

nice one Jinta.
two sundays ago, abi na three, the speaker at Daystar, Kenny Folarin spoke of gender differences, and it was an eye opener. I really wish the whole world would get that tape. i got it, and will make sure all my friends listen to it.

the good women are not hiding Jinta. I don't believe that. the saying that u reap what u sow applies to relationships as well. how can a good woman who is mistreated by a man, remain good to him? she will turn to the countess dracula.
u reap love and care and attention from a woman when u sow all that into her. unless she was sent by the devil to destroy the man.
women were created to be loved, and when we are loved, we do our duties and take good care of you. and a man should understand what 'love' hear means.
give her love and u will have peace.

it's the same way u give her a seed and she gives u a baby.
there i stole that last line from Kenny Folarin.

seriously, we aren't scared of commitment cause whatever we decide to get into, we have a determination to succeed at. if it doesn't work, we get up and try again. why get scared.
Men should grow up please.

darkelcee said...

Are you any chance named "akanmu or is it "Ajani"? you must have a native name now? ask mumsy jo

Abeke

Olamild said...

Although marraige is a beautiful thing, it's not for everyone

1stpet2v9 said...

u still haven't told me ur birthday... d end of april slowly approaches.....

Jinta said...

* uzezi - so, the logical follow up to your comment is: if a man feels incapable (or, is in fact, incapable) of nurturing a woman, he better not move near her, else there will be trouble ahead.

if that is the case, i agree with you

the 2nd part implies that: all women are good until mistreated by a man, then they become bad.

i disagree there

* darkelcee - i do believe i have one, although i only heard it once from my late maternal granny. you think i will tell it? you guys will never let me live it down. lol

Jinta said...

* olamild - wise words

* 1stpet - your memory is so long, i hope old sins dont cast long shadows with you.

its 2moro

1stpet2v9 said...

Hold up? Yesterday was ur birthday??

Pray do tell abeg.. this clandestineness (if there's such a word) is unnerving!

M.A.R.R.I.A.G.E
this 8 letter word... Shebi Paul (in d Bible) said that not all people are called to marriage.. its true... I think a lot of us just don't know & do it cos. every1 else is or 4 other purposes such as mentioned by my fellow bloggers..

Sometimes I want to marry, sometimes I don't... When I do I want to marry into my ribcage...
I don't want to have 2 struggle 2 fit into someone's life when its not meant to be...
Its like a heart transplant, a rib transplant... a missing puzzle.. theres one.. I strongly believe.. theres only one...
He's out there somewhere missing a rib... and when he finds me (the missing rib). We shall be complete! LOL!! but its true sha.. thats wat i believe... he shud just hurry and find me b4 i impatiently do some stuvs....

When I don't want 2 marry.. i think maybe I'm not meant to.. u know, like Paul.... I really just want to have loads of kids.... and if i don't ever marry, I'll die a virgin and adopt LOADS of kidsssssss!!!!!!
I love babies!!! :D

Therefore, Marriage is good only if you can handle it.. ask my parents how they did it.. they just turned 25..

1stpet2v9 said...

LOL... oh its 2moro... i don't understand d old sins stuvs... LOL!

Jinta said...

* 1stpet - if you dont marry, that makes 2 of us that will probably die virgins

1stpet2v9 said...

u ain't no virgin! LMAO

Jinta said...

* 1stpet - wanna bet?

darkelcee said...

Nw i know its Adisa


Adisa sweet, you mean tmw is ur buffday?

1stpet2v9 said...

yup.. how much?

Desy said...

you like me enough?? does that mean you've identified me as a 'good' woman?

trust.. i would always have you occupied luv... no standin around...

Eve said...

a no good woman is made no good by a no good man

Smaragd said...

I once read that there's no such thing as a "no good" woman, every "no good" woman was made no good, by a "no good" man!

go figure!

@Uzezi, u go to my church! this blogsville is a small place o!

Seriously tho, marriage scares me shitless!! and it seems all my friends have caught the bug. all i think of at their weddings is "do they know what they are doing?"(wiv a few exceptions tho, some pple just seem to have it right).

I will only marry for love and friendship.so that when love tones down, friendship will sustain it.

Jinta said...

* darkelcee - you're totally wrong about the adisa, thank God*

* 1stpet - who said anything about money?

* desy - i have, desy, i have. we just have to do something about that half-way thing. diy can make a man weary

* eve - lol, believe that, you'll believe anything

* smaragd - i would never disregard the fact that there are no good men. indeed, there are plenty and some may even see me as one, however, if i were no good, i could never claim that i became so because of women, so why do women claim it is the man?

Omosewa said...

I know your name(s):)


I hope somebody doesnt attack akanke or is it abedo again, you're finding trouble o:D

Have a nice weekend my one and only:mwahhhhhhhhhhh:

Sherri said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sherri said...

dude,what are u talking about?
i need advance notice o
happy buffday luv.

let the jollofing begin!

i refused to be drawn into this marriage palava, but it's very disconcerting to hear of females resorting to jazzing. that's very sad.

soupasexy said...

happy buffday jinta, when is it sef? am a good girl tryna go bad...check out my post...
what's the point of being good..marriage sef dey fear me.

1stpet2v9 said...

sherri and soupasexy beat me 2 it!!!!???!!!
ish!!

Anyways, Jintahhhhhhh!!!

I wish u a very happy birthday! May God add to you this year, grant you ALL ur heart's desires according to His will and order your steps...

You will have peace, unspeakable joy, and the good Lord will meet your every need and keep you away from the enemies of your life.

Have a beautiful day and an even lovelier year!!!

Love, ScRiBe

PS: Make sure u have loads of fun 2day oh! xxx

TheAfroBeat said...

Hmm tough questions and i most vertainly do not have the right answers. As for women being all too willing to commit, i wish! I think women are just as likely to be afraid of commitment than men, it's an individual thing in my experience. As for good women and men out there, them dey bee (yoruba), one just has to find the good mate who is also COMPATIBLE with your own "goodness". She's out there, so keep your head up. And i trust once you find her, we can rest assured there will be no nuptials to add to the "never-ending season" you so aptly started with.

Hope all is well friend!

OluwaDee said...

I think he existis oh, but no 1 is like 100% perfect.

marriage can b scarey, am a living witness. But no man is an island and 2 heads r better than 1.

Lighty said...

lol! @ afrobabe wanting to av legal sex. boy! some crazy woman lol.

so jinta. i take it u're not married or am i wrong, could be.

are u thinking of asking some1 and weighing options?

u not romantic? nooooo.

If u are, do u enjoy being a playa? Have u already been snagged?

am waiting 4 my reply.

naijalines said...

The jazz problem is a real killer in relationships. Any one who uses it on another is evil. Period.

I really empathise with men and women who are afraid of marriage (for different reasons). But maybe it helps to have some values nailed down in one's head about the sort of person one would like to marry. Not.. he/she has to be 'fine and rich', more.. do they have a fear of God, a healthy attitude to materialistic things, etc.

I think the problem today is that people focus too much on superficial stuff.

Jinta said...

* 'sewa - the detective. i'm suspecting that the same thing has happened as when onome 'caught' me, i've got to do something about that before some madman does me something.

* sherri - thank you jare.

hope you had a lovely trip and enjoyed the ceremony

* soupasexy - i like bad girls, so i'm going over to yours, pronto

* 1stpet - you must not be slow in future. lol. thank you and amen.

p.s. i had so much fun it must be illegal

* afrobeat - believe me, i'm not looking. already served my time. this has simply been an academic discussion for me

* oluwadee - with an attitude like that, your marriage will be perfection, i predict and pray

* lighty - no, not married. divorced. luckily and thankfully not snagged. not thinking of asking anyone (good gracious!). not a romantic in the true sense of the word. definitely not a playa, i let people know where i stand

* naijalines - a big killer which a lot of people do not acknowledge.

you're right about our values. i probably fell into the category of not looking deep enough for the 'proper' values

Omosewa said...

Yeah, its for business though, it doesnt tell too much.

Im adding you on facebook*wink* I hope ur page is more interesting than mine,lol...

guerreiranigeriana said...

*raised eyebrow*...you'll 'jump' on me?!...*wonders if she'll like that...depends what happens after he jumps on her...and how much he weighs;)*...interesting because i just realized you're a taurus...don't think i knew that previously...don't ask me what it means as i will not answer...and word play is 'fun' innit?!...hehe...hurry and post your quirks...

beautiful soul said...

This who marriage business is RUBBISH. I know the only part of marriages that i am interested in is the WEDDING. I want to wear a beautiful (non white) dress and make the day ALL ABOUT ME!! I am an attention seeker and a wedding is the perfect way to justify it.

Otherwise, nothing about marriage is necessary in my opinion, I am perfectly happy with a cohabiting and procreating(if i want children) without signing paper to justify my actions.

Plus, so much easier to exit if the relationship never works, At least we wont have to go to court and we won't even have the divorced label.

OK, in a nutshell, marriage is just LONG!!

beautiful soul said...

It was your birthday when???? HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

1stpet2v9 said...

glad u had fun!! loffly week ahead bud

F&F - Fresh And Fab said...

I wish marriage was what it used to be back then, when people got together to settle down and start a family.
now marraige is like a trend. its so sad

when some type of women show you their dark side, you would question if they ever loved you in the first place.

Prime example, heather mills(shamless idiot)

i just pray when i settle, its with the right woman. Im gonna make sure, i savage enough time to search for the right girl, cause i dont wanna hear of divorce.

Jinta said...

* 'sewa - i've not been to fb since the week i opened it, but will go there today. looking forward to it

* g-nigeriana - only 85kg, dearest (how many lbs is that?), but dont worry about it. i will not land without breaking the momentum with my arms - i'm smooth like that

* beautiful s - it seems to me you cannot have the wedding and co-habit at the same time, unless its to 2 different people. lmao

ta for the good wishes

* 1stpet - thank you, o nice one

* f & f - bring back the old days anytime. 'things ain't what it used to be...'

Sherri said...

buffday boy, please save my own jollofing o

the shinding is this wkend.

the young nigerian virgin said...

i think u can never know all abt d one u abt to marry until u actually marry them. so d long courtships and checkin and checkin 2 me does not hold water. what matters is prayers and reasoning to understand the person u r dealin with while not lyin to ur self coz he is handsome or rich.

marriage ia about companionship. thats my take. i will marry a friend i could spend hours with and it will seem like i just spent seconds ;)

Jinta said...

* sherri - to think i ate all the jollof in a tiff last saturday thinking you were in town?

* young naija vgn - wise words but not always so easy because it is 2 people in a relationship. sometimes, circumstances conspire to make all the efforts of one not worthwhile. this is the philosophy of this old naija virgin to the young one

Sherri said...

i just finally figured out how u know!
i will def holla

Jinta said...

* sherri - ahh, ms. a, its been said that i know a little of everything.

oya, abeg, do this tag thing, i wanna know more

Funms said...

marriage is so overated these days..... i do want to get married tho, cuz thats what the society expects a decent individual to do right? but we've all lost the aim of marriage, thats y the rate of divorce is going up...
btw, good girls aint scarce, men r just looking in d wrong places

Jinta said...

* funms - my eyes were certainly wide shut when i went into mine