Saturday, 23 February 2008

Heads, You Lose; Tails, You Lose.

I’m probably going to need some crutches to sustain my balance by the force of some of the reactions I will get to this post. I particularly look forward to the responses of the fiery ‘independents’, you know yourselves and, though sorely tempted, I will not mention any names – I do not feel particularly brave.

This post has been prompted by the expectations of women that men be more romantic. A few men, it must be recognized, work really hard to be romantic in their relationships and I believe they succeed, and I doff my hat to you. For the rest of us…

Women state they yearn for men to be more romantic, loving, tender, devoted, warm, gentle and adoring, yet there is also the expectation for us to be these strong, testosterone-fuelled ‘mighty igors’ who go to work all day, hunter gatherers that provide for the home (although I readily acknowledge that the equation has changed somewhat since many women work and contribute to the home). As a man, especially in Nigeria and the rest of Africa, you are expected to work. I lie. You are expected to GO TO work – none of that working from home modernist trifle. That’s why housewives vastly outnumber househusbands all over the world, and although the concept of the househusband is slowly gathering acceptance here, your life is in the hands of the almighty if you are a househusband in Nigeria because you will be viewed as a dosser. Even some of my fiery independents mentioned above would baulk at the idea of their partners being househusbands.

I imagine one of those pretty, muscle-bound male models they use in the glossies going down on one knee in front of a woman with a single red rose gritted between his teeth, then getting up to make breakfast for her in bed, preparing the children for school, doing the dishes, preparing himself for work – he will spend two hours in front of the mirror, I guess, eyebrows have got to be plucked, trimmed, shaped and sleeked back perfectly - going to do an honest day’s job at the office, getting back home, doing the ‘how was your day honey’ bit, serenading his partner with one or two Teddy Pendergrass songs (ok, ok, Ne-Yo or Mario – I’m old), preparing dinner, finally having a shower. Of course, those are enough to turn a woman on, however that man is simply a figment of my imagination.

So many men turn into Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde so they can fit the image described above. A friend who used to live in DC and about whom mutual friends complained because he was a totally changed man when his girlfriend (now wife) was around is a case in point. I witnessed it first hand on a holiday and thought he had become two people. This was a chap who was the life of any party and the joker in any group but was reduced to saying just ‘hi’ to his friends when his girlfriend was about. I mean, literally, “hi”.

An acquaintance used to lie to his wife that he was driving mini cabs (kabu kabu) nightly. On his way from wherever in the early hours, he would go to the cashpoint for some money and drop it on the dining table with whatever coins he had in his pocket, to appear like the night's takings.

There are also so many men who lie to their partners in order to go out: they lie about overtime, working nights, about some friend having a disaster, having to go view a property in ‘Manchester’ (your choice: England or Massachusetts), about a friend being suicidal, therefore, they have to stay with him awhile, all because they feel they will not fit the ‘romantic’ mould should they simply say; I’m going out Friday for a few hours. Women seem to see this type of man as more 'romantic' because he has not said: I'm going out for a few drinks.

God save you if you’re in actual fact a starry-eyed male individual when you think you’re being a romantic. Years ago, I heard a woman say to her female companion: “I’m really sick to the back teeth of Tunde; as soon as I get in, he starts rubbing himself against me like a cat. Can’t he just leave me alone and look for a girlfriend or something?” This was said in a church, mind you

88 comments:

The Indecent One..... said...

1st!!!!!!!!!! lol!

oya lemme go and read....:D

The Indecent One..... said...

oya I'm back....now to dissect that post,

1st of all...Lmao @ Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde..lolllollloll..and going to view house in manchester...heheehee..mehn dat na some serious lies be dat. u don inspire my lying skill sef...thanx :D

2ndly, I have a question? why do men always think it's the woman who wants him or needs him to be romantic? Many guys out there, like u pointed out...assume the role of being a romantic becoz they think that's wat the woman wants. Personally i think that's bullshit sha....lawd knows I wont even know how to act with a romantic guy. I aint romantic and I dont think I would get along with one. I rather he told me he was hanging out with his boys than spend every freaking day with me...WTF? I will just get irritated like the lady in church, lol.

3rdly, I agree with u wen everyone expects the man to go to work sha....i guess it's the society and culture. Coz i dont think any woman will be happy with the fact that her hubby "works 4rm home" while she goes into work. Nah mehn...but if I marry pesin wey get the money to sit @ home and I dont even need to work, ehen! me and him both will become housewife and househusband together....nothing spoil :D

oh yea and I apologise 4 the unnecessary long post...i did rattle on..no vex

Omosewa said...

LOL@ church lady. I guess she's not the touchy-feely type. That's my kinda man...

Which kind dry drinks, without me? We'll go together, what God has joined together, let no ogogoro put asunder.

LOL@the idea of a husband, doesnt sound right at all.

Teddy Pendergrass's music rocks, like totally...*off to listen*

Oh, that Hi-saying brother needs divine intervention, i hope they've not fi ori e gba paro, worrahell...

Ms. Catwalq said...

Let me see if I fully comprehend this post: You are saying that women ask for men to be who they are not thus they feel they have to lie to get away for some breathing space?...Or maybe I did not quite follow....

That image you created about the eyebrow plucking, bended knee, sonnet spewing male has no place in my world.
As far as being romantic, that is a subjective term. I don't like to hold hands in public. I am not going to be caught dead feeding you off my plate or linking my arm through yours (think naija Yoruba movie) as we sip 5alive. However, you can possibly slay me if you came back home with a bollywood movie and endured through it with me. That to me is romantic. Thus, I will set up the house for you and your boys on Sunday, so you can watch football...while I go get my nails done or something.

I don't mind a guy who works from home or stays at home. As long as it is home, as per, we are not renting. Cos if it is his house, abegi that man is free to do wharreva the hell he likes...

guerreiranigeriana said...

interesting post...as most of the women thus far have pointed out, what qualifies as romantic, depends on the woman...the man should take the time to find out what that is...it could save much unneccessary spending and headache...

...i like a man who is a man...i also think that partners should maintain their friends [this does not neccessarily include bodacious exes] and interests...i am not for that every waking hour shit...when i want to play capoeira or go out with my girls, i don't want to hear any wahala...same for him...when he wants a night out with the guys, oya go...although, i will watch the soccer matches with he and his boys:)...

...balance is everything...as much as i want him to be a man-strong, breadwinner, etc. (he better not be in the mirror plucking his eyebrows...what the hell?!...i don't even do that...no metrosexuals for me please!!...), i also do want him to do things that shows that he pays attention to my concerns, likes and dislikes...i love theatre...surprising me with a date to see a play showing in town would qualify as romantic...as would coming up behind me as i cook breakfast, kissing me on the cheek and telling me you love me and appreciate me...but, that's me...i love to be touched!...the next girl may not want you touching her...like the church girl...

pamela said...

lol!!

I think it is the classic, "what do women want?" question. Some women don't really know what they want. Some men believe they know what women want. :P

But, that guy that you described with a rose in his teeth - made me literally want to PUKE.

Desy said...

hahaha- how hilarious

when I think about the interactions I've had with men, I must say- romance has been quite limited...

I consider myself fiercely independent (as you so delicately put it), but I do enjoy the pleasures of being pampered and appreciated by the one I am with- be it through dinner, a drawn bath, or oils, soft music, and a deep message to go with it....

BUT NOT EVERY DAY...lol. Sometimes I need to know that you do have something going on without me in your life- so if you want to go out with your friends- please- GO!, just make sure that you don't find yourself in a compromising position

And please- it takes me about 45min to get ready, from shower to door.... please don't take longer than me... my brother did and it always cracked me up- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!? It can't take you that long!...lol

How would you describe yourself in this question of male portrayal?

Jinta said...

* inde - methinks some men assume the role of the romantic becos that's what most women say they want.

i must point out that all the lying examples i gave happened; the suicidal friend taking the biscuit

pls dont apologise - this is one of the posts that's guaranteed to elicit long comments

* 'sewa - de man no go fit get a few hours alone wit his boys, or alone, or with other ppl for that matter? then you will definitely like my "hi-saying brother who needs divine internention". lol

btw, i totally 'gree that teddy rocks, and al green, and marvin gaye, and will downing, and...

* ms cat - you fully comprehend the post...

...and i think a lot of men will be glad to have your partnership. not too many bollywood movies though, all those males dancing with hands on their heads and simulating kissing scenes without actually doing the deed do something negative to a man's libido

* g-nigeriana, meus favoritos guerreira - you're totally right about the balance thing. i dont think proximity should be so close that partners are feeding off each other's dead skin cells and a bit of space is healthy for the relationship

you forgot to mention what you will be giving in return

* pamela - i think the danger for men is that we assume all women are the same

i also think it is safe for me to say most men are the same

* desy - it takes me 20 mins from shower to door, and i'm wondering: is your fierce independence not mutually exclusive to being pampered???

you have to define 'compromising position', that being very relative

how would i describe myself? i am bit of a practical person, i dont mind you feeding me off your plate (see ms. catwalq's comment) as long as it's only abt once a year and just one mouthful, and i think men sometimes get the short end of the stick as we are most times expected to do the dinner, cinema and theatre runs.

Desy said...

well- i don't necessarily feel that they have to be exclusive

I encompass them both- in one sense that I can live without a man because I'm self sufficient; I take care of myself and provide myself with all needs

BUT I want a partner in my life- and just as I take care of myself, I want to take care of him as well- and hopefully he would want to do the same for me... for instance- if I've had a hard day at work, and you have the thought to draw me a bath...appreciated pampering


ps- here is a song that kind of explains that (the words are wonderful)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kt8mNt94xJU

guerreiranigeriana said...

what will i be giving?...i am a woman!...obviously, well maybe not so obviously as there are some women who wouldn't agree, but the same would be given...my undying and unconditional love, affection, loyalty, respect and trust...surprising him with things he likes, paying attention to his concerns, likes, dislikes...i was cooking breakfast in the last example i gave...massages and backrubs after long days at work...beautiful, classy and intelligent arm piece with sexual prowess in the bedroom...i plan on being the dream efik girl:)...although i have been working on some things now, i have plans to take on a crash course as soon as i land home, sharp, sharp...i am currently working on developing an online version so i can start and finish now...lol...

Honeywell said...

lol!
There is only one thing i can say here: i agree, most females have this mentality, and its almost as dumb as expecting a working woman to work and take care of the house and children and do all 3 activities efficiently; one will slack. There are some of us, a select few, that are not looking for the Dr.jekyll and mr hide persona: we are looking for Dr. Jekyll OR Mr hyde. I don't need no man to buy me flowers, i can do it by myself. I have always thought that a man comfortable in his own skin without having to impress someone is waaaaaaaay sexier than a man than can pull every slick line out of his hat just to make me happy.

Nyemoni said...

LMHO at the last bit...I'm really sickto the back teeth! LOL....To be frank with you? I for one like it when my hubby is romantic but for Pete's sake not all the time! Plus I let my hubby go out on some friday nights too!
Nice post but I'd like to know- who are the peeps you label fiery independent? C'mmon give us names...be brave! ;-)

anonymous gal said...

OK O.Mr Jinta.
thetre is really no need for a guy to lie to tryu amd prove sumthin 4 his gal.thats bullocks if a woman cant accept a man for who he is then there is no need 4 them to be together.
And the romantic stuff i like but 2 much of evri thin is bad. gettin flowers on vals day does not connote romance its expected. romance shld not be an evri day thing.
i belive in allowin pple be themselves o.

!*!*!*!*!Fresh and Fab!*!*!*!*! said...

lol at the lady at the end, that relationship was definatley doomed

me i think, the fault is women, ive had so much experiences with women, they dont know what they want, if u do this, its too much, if u do that its not enough..

women want men to be romantic, and when he tries, they have a problem, because its not what they've seen other men do.typa thing..

if onli they just sit back and just enjoy their man.. instead of romantic this romantic that..

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

what kind of post is this Jinta? Behave yourself, oh!

There is nothing wrong in a woman wanting a romantic man. However, as a happily married mother of 3, my advice to every woman out there looking for Prince Charming is that yes, Prince Charming exists. But, he already has a boyfriend.

So, women simply need to be realistic - we can't have it all. If he is kind, he might not necessarily hold your hand/make out with you in public. If he is a good father, he might not want to make you breakfast in the morning. No one is perfect.

That being said, men need to be realistic as well. Stop picking women that are not a good fit for you and then turn around and blame all women-kind when things go wrong. It just is not fair. When the woman was showing you her true self, you refused to see because, well, I won't go into all that here. But, grown folk know what I am talking about. lol! She didn't just change when you guys got married, your eyes just opened. lol!

Interesting post, Jinta. Hope all is well with you.

NIGERIAN CURIOSITY
IT WAS SO MUCH EASIER WHEN I ONLY HAD ONE...

Jinta said...

* desy - not being pernickety or anything like that, but what happens on those days when you had a hard day at work, however, he had a harder day? and when that situation is the norm?

love the song by the way - never heard of it - she starts off by being strong and ends up being a woman [what do you want to bet that last sentence will get me into trouble?]. i think i'll go jondrea smith hunting as i find spiders extremely creepy.

seriously though, i think what she says is that her need is for companionship and not financial, companinonship is exactly what my post focuses on, so i see jondrea, and whoever agrees with her song, as ideal women

* g-nigeriana - i feel a little bit of give and take in your comment. i do not dispute what you give, i mean, what red-blooded man would not want an intelligent, sexy, classy woman who's also an uninhibited wild minx in bed?

the question is, though, that what happens if/when you do not feel that the man is giving enough, or as much as you are giving?

* honeywell - that means i'm sexy

* 'moni - your hubby's lucky you 'let' him go out some fridays.

trust me 'moni, i will give names later, just feeling cowardly right now

* anon gal - there is many a woman that will not accept a man for who they are. i suppose the same applies to men also.

your comment makes me think: how many girls buy presents for their fellas for val? more to the point, do you? not would you, but, do you?

* fresh - you're braver than i am.

i will say, very quietly here, that i tend to agree with you

* ms sydelle - spoken with wisdom. 'prince charming' was the chap i described in the post holding the rose with his teeth.

i agree we all have to be realistic with our expectations of our partners and not seek near-perfection.

you are also right in saying that no one changes. anything anyone is, will be displayed from the begining, we just close our eys to those things that we find unacceptable. i know, to my cost.

Isi said...

romantic: say 'i love u' when necessary (AND MEAN IT!).

unromantic: stick to ur guns and act like david after slaying goliath- too busy celebrating, ONE woman doesn't count.

how are u jinta?!

Afrobabe said...

Men just have to know when to let u be...I hate a man who is too mushy,too cold,too whatever....a little of everything would be great...heck ignore me once in a while....

House husband???? he better go find another wife oh...well unless he is an IT person and making shit loads of money from working at home.....

Allied said...

House husband? mba! not in my life time.. Unless he has made enough for him not to work.

Romance is highly subjective... You don’t have to wine and dine me, take me to the movies, bring flowers but stuff like

Buying me a book (as i love to read) or laying the bed is enough to get a tinkle in my eyes

guerreiranigeriana said...

communication...that's when that wondersful skill comes into play...but don't mind me...talk to me once i've figured this passive-aggressive tendency out of my system and am in a relationship...otherwise, this is just me dreaming and philosophizing...

Pink-satin said...

@ paragraph 3 i had an arguement with a male species i was mortified by his points and statements...i dont even want to go onto that now

Desy said...

question: what happens on those days when you had a hard day at work, however, he had a harder day? and when that situation is the norm?

answer: it depends - this is so hypothetical it's ridiculous- you are talkin to the virgin who rarely commits..lol.

but for the record i am all about pampering (even when i've had a hard day- if you are lookin sexy, i want to work it out for you- you must have missed my post about that...haha

the artist that you were listening to was Jill Scott- she has alot of good songs...

anonymous gal said...

I hv neva been in an active relationship durin vals,but i cld give gifts even though shoppin 4 dudes is one herculean task. on the oda hand val puts pple thru undue presure eg my friend gets a dozen red roses and the latest perfume and i get a card. im bound to be disapionted.so i want to go 4 a no gift policy-dinner would suit me just fine.

Sha said...

hmmmm MEN *sigh i have nothing to say, ive given up!

as per dem ppl chatting rubbish inna d church, gosh dat thing pisses me off like mad.. aaaargh!

30+ said...

So exactly what is your point gan gan?

Because the same can be said for guys ko. They want a homely yet don't force me to stay home with you, shower me with attention yet not clingy, God fearing yet don't drag me to church/mosque, Intelligent yet Docile, hardworking yet not earning so much to threaten me, faithful yet their own personal nymph, model figured yet mother figure for a partner.

Those ones lying dem get lie for mouth before ni, so no excuse.

Jinta said...

* isi - i am romantic nah, this is david after slaying goliath, saying:

i love you. see, my teeth didn't fall out

* afro - the problem would be in him knowing when to ignore you, and how to measure a 'little bit of everything'.

you will also appreciate that your mood plays a big part in dictating how he behaves

ok. i think it's safe to assume you wont be too enamoured with a househusband

* allied - my first thot at your comment was: oh! buy a book, that's easy; go to the cinema, that's easy; this is too easy; then it occured to me you may not want to watch a rerun of 'return of the zombies' with me (if people are not dying and there is no blood and gore, what's there to keep me awake?), and i may also end up buying the wrong kind of book (is there anything like the wrong kind of book?)

* g-nigeriana - a dreaming and philosophising enigma...

* pink - i'm sorry your argument upset you, however, i think that male species, as you so distastefully describe him, probably likes and respects you a lot for him to have expressed himself so forth rightly

just gone over the 3rd paragraph again, easy to disagree on and debate

* desy - i did miss your post and will go trawling back

thanks for the jill scott correction

* anon gal - i agree with you about the pressures, disagree with men being difficult to shop for: buy a belt, run of the mill wrist watch, tie, cuff links, socks (again, for goodness sake), travel monopoly, anything, we're easy to please, but the greatest gift you can give us, i think, is to relieve us of the pressure about what we need to get you for val

* sha - pity, your comment would have been an endowment

i know you dislike ppl talking in church - read your recent post on it

* 30+ you have come out with all guns blazing. was that post enough to kill our love?

thankfully, the post is abt women's expectations, and as i had confessed, since i am in a cowardly mood, i will not deem to even begin to defend us males here, so i ask you again, very meekly mind you, (you should see how i've pushed my head down unto my shoulders), what do you think of female expectations of men?

The Indecent One..... said...

@ Sha, why naww.....:(

And my broda was telling me the other day of how we plan to come and pay ur bride price....wat shud I tell him now? :(

dont be giving up on them jor....u'll find the one wen u aint even looking. Take ur mind of them and concentrate on better things...(like my broda) :D

mwah!

Sherri said...

that's a hilarious picture u managed to paint.(eeewhhh)
lol@ Dr jekyll and mr hyde, Males do that too?(shudder)

u're def right on how unrealistic some of our expectations are.

isn't true romance taking the time to find what turns ur mate on and doing it?

Jinta said...

* inde - i think the church broda made a move for sha. your broda's got to get on top of his game o, all this procastination. eh-hen

* sherri - ah sherri, you agree with me? the shock has knocked me for six

you're right abt romance being the opportunity to get to know each other. that comment has got me thinking:

is it that we mostly go in lust first and then find out abt each other later? how else do we know we like someone if there is no 'first impression' desire? what makes us decide to get together?

30+ said...

Generally, I think female expectation of men is as unrealistic as male expecation of women. Of course this is just generally speaking.

Mos def that post is not enough, infact no post is strong enough to kill our LOVE :) oya raise you head.

Onome said...

oga!!!!! which kain post be dis??? u're indirectly complaining about women calmly forgetting dat u men do so much scheiss and get away with(unfortunately)!! hmmm!!!!! am slightly offended but i choose not to disrespect ur opinion.....i no go lie dis post pain me!!!

Uzezi said...

this is an article that should be published where every woman can read it. No big deal with a man working from home, but sometimes, really, he will be in the way for always being around.

Personally, I think when I say a man should be more romantic, it doesn't mean he should strip himself of what makes him a man. Can't he be the manly man, and still be romantic? Can't he be hardworking and still be romantic?
No woman wants her man to behave like a woman, we have enough female friends, but let him balance everything like we do! That is why he is a man.

People give different meaning to the word romantic. A guy who takes a girl on a shopping spree once a month might be considered romantic. One who send love text messages might be considered romantic. The ones who value cards might be romantic to yet others. The ones who offer to cook dinner, romantic to others and so on. A once in a while breakfast in bed from him is romantic. Him finding a minute to call from a very busy day just to hear your voice is romantic.

Truth is, guys are more insecured in relationships than girls, which is why they always think she wants more this and that and more of them. They fear they aren't living up to being a man, so they start making excuses. 'she wants me to be more romantic, blah, blah, blah. The fear they aren't exactly doing things the way she wants, makes them bottle up.

It is stil those insecure guys, who pretend to be holy Moses and let their girls appear like sinners that can't tell her they are going out for a drink or to hang out with the guys, cos they fear they wouldn't be a man anymore. The reason they can't say these simple truths is because they don't cut out time to trip their girls. If he and she goes out alot, why wouldn't she want him to go out once in a while with the guys?

My Opinion really. Afterall, it is boring to have the man around all the time. Doesn't he have friends? Be suspicious of a man who has no friends, who doesn't drink, or womanise. Please!

Florida of Free Spirit said...

lmao ... am i one of those independent, fierce women, jinta? talk true o.lol

anyways, i'm one of d opinion that honesty counts above all. to me, a sincere man is a romantic man (so long he learns dat it's really not everything he sees that he should comment on sha ... lol). i like to think dat what i see is what am getting

Jinta said...

* 30+ - thank you, that's a relief, my head can now come out of hiding

* onome - i would not dare complain abt women - i think they're the sweetest and best God created (when they're not angry); it is more abt wondering if female romantic expectations of males do not put undue pressure on the man. what do you think?

* uzezi - so what one woman finds romantic, another might not, is what you say, and i think you're right. my confusion, though, is how then can women be so different, and still think so much alike at the same time?

i also suspect you may be right abt insecure guys. again, i play the devil's advocate here, do they not do the 'holy moses' things you describe becos they believe their partners prefer them to be that way?

Jinta said...

* florida - you will notice that i've resisted naming names so far, but i promise to when i'm ready for my next post.

you equate honesty with romance. that's certainly another dimension. ok, personally, i dont like eating out or watching movies without gore. how would i tell a girl i fancy that i dont like eating out?

jinni said...

Really,women do not know what they want and more importantly,Naija women are not interested in any mushy romance stuff.What tickles their pink panties is MONEY,and lots of it!Stay at home husband?She go troway ya ass like rubbish!

Jinta said...

* jinni - yay, jinni, you shoot straight from the hip, no prisoners taken

what i hear you saying is: "no money, no romance". would this be becos of the general financial climate or do you perceive this has always been the case?

jinni said...

I think it has to do with the Naija mentality.I have seen other Africans who exhibit their goodness and appreciate the fact that the best things in life are free,despite their financial woes!LOL

Sherri said...

hope u're recovered from ur shock?
if not i'll send an alabukun ur way.lol
@jinni,
wth?
speak of the women u know, cos there are quite a lot of women out there holding their own financially. women who are not tickled by money!

frankly i think some men use gifts and money to pacify and distract the women who will have them to overlook their character flaws.

The Indecent One..... said...

@ jinta, my brotha has always been the numero uno in her heart....u can ask her. we (as in the family) has just been too busy dey gather and try process her bride price but now we don gather the full money and we are ready now....

For the love of me said...

On other issues, I will be silent but on the issue of being a house-husband, I see no problems so long as he is ready to do the cleaning,cooking,entertaining, running after kids and stay home without a fuss while I hang out with friends.He must also bring in an income cos the average Nigerian 'housewife' does some trading,visit any Nigerian housewife and she would bring out pots, clothes, gold, anything for you to buy, so the man must be ready to do same.una tink say e easy?

Jinta said...

* jinny - money openeth all doors, or something like that. i cant say the love of money is peculiar to anyone, i know i like money, certainly, it solves a lot of problems

* sherri - i'll take the alabukun

* inde - i hope you dont believe in that 'beta late than neva' saying. you know how long church broda has been saving?

as a matter of fact, i think i'll enter the fray too - my bride price for sha will be paid by monthly standing order. she specifically told me last night she prefers it be paid that way and that i am no.1. the reason is that she's scared for her financial security in future since it took your broda 6 years to gather the bride price. lol

* for the love - i cannot demean the role of housewives, especially with kids, i dont think i can do it day in and out, but, haba, you want the man to be selling mei tea too after all that?

i do think, though, that some men will prefer the home role were it not for what our society expects. certainly, i know a few women who make enough for the family and could conveniently have the man stay at home

Nicky said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nicky said...

My sweetest, dearest darling Jinta..

I’m worried about you mate! Head you lose; Tails you loose. Are you trying to say that men cant win what ever they do?

Well for those guys out there that still love women and are not Jaded! Some of us fiery independents appreciate your romantic endeavours.

I think romantic gestures come naturally, men are annoying when they try too hard and of course your doomed to fail if your being romantic because you think you should rather than it being born out of natural love and affection.

If you aint feelin it dont bother!

Afrobabe said...

yep...you got me right...I think every man should be able to tell what mood his woman is in and decide when to just let her be or when to be the romantic....

Househusband is not for me oh...Imagine coming home every evening from work and he still hasn't had a bath...na lie...I no do..

anonymous gal said...

30+ has said it all we have un realistic expectations of each oda.men want a super woman who dresses well,cooks well,intelligent,submissive heavens. women want a handsome rich,controllable,un controllable...do we even know wat we want? all i know is no house husband 4 me.or a dull man 4 that matter. nice topic jinta

Jinta said...

* nicky - dearest, where have you been?

are you saying a man must be jaded if he does not love women? and following the logic of that assumption, would this be becos he was jaded by women? perhaps by trying too hard to be romantic?

* afro - your imagination is a bit on the active side o, lmao. i dont think housewives dont take a bath until their husbands return home from work, how come you think a man would be that filthy? walai, you dont think too much of us

* anon gal - words taken out of my mouth. bottom line is, we all have to lower our expectations

Jaycee said...

ha ha ha ha ha!!!! Jintaaaaaaah!

But we want our men to be able to do everything househusbands do (cook breakfast in the mornings, bring it up to bed, get the kids ready for school e.t.c), and also take us out for romantic candle-lit dinners on friday nights (after employing a nanny), yet they must still go to WORK instead of lying to us that they drive "kabu-kabu."

Is that too much to ask?

Jinta said...

* jaycee - i suppose with a little bit of effort, us men can get to that point, but the kabu kabu lying and other lies, i dont know o, that is going to take God's intervention.

seriously though, i find it disheartening that so many men feel the need to lie abt going out

Sha said...

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Indecent one & Jinta, yall wont kill me.. u guys shud hook up tho *winks i wanro tie gele n chop rice.

Mwah
xx

Jinta said...

* sha - ah no gree. you wan make i waste all that money i've been paying by standing order?

Afrobabe said...

ok, I am completely lost...

Jinta and indecent....

Jinta and jacee (who mentioned money)....

Jinta...which rumour do I help u spread?

The Indecent One..... said...

Rotflmao! u guys are all crazy! I dont even know where to start or who 2 reply....

Sha, i see nut fell 4rm ur head...u aint rite. *rolleyes*

@ Jinta, Sha and my broda are one. nothing and no one can change it. like u said I do believe in Better late than never.

@ Afrobabe, pls start the rumour of my broda marrying Sha...lol

Jinta said...

* afro - the rumour is: inde's brother took 60 years to gather bride price.

the truth is: we have already taken sha's hand by direct debit

what you need to spread: we're the only ones who have logo

* inde - i must have a word with sha. if she's one with your broda, it means she's cheating on us. but we trust her though

Omosewa said...

Jintaaaaaaaa hehehe

My boos head will be intact, im fun to hang with now, Omosewa>>>>>>>>>>>>>> boys+ beer

lol:D

laspapi said...

Lend me your ears and hear me, O Jintu that perfection mayest come unto thee!

Often, women want everything, in a world stacked with such odds that you must lose out in some places. A responsible, good looking, patient, kind and wealthy man, who will fit THEIR exact specifications.

Men are less rigid, (and therefore less uptight) understanding that you rarely have everything in the same package. The girl with the razor-sharp mind rarely looks like Halle Berry and vice-versa, and if by some freak chance, she combines these factors, probably has the personal hygeine of a wharf rat. (Sometimes though, you meet the perfect person)
So Men develop coping strategies, go out for drinks with their friends, sit before the TV when home to unwind, refusing to listen to incessant chatter. Men and women are different, men know this, women always expect more, hence the friction...

"Be more romantic", "put flower petals on the bed", "hold my hand", "I just want to cuddle". The thrust of this, is that you cant force romance. A man cannot give what he does not have.

Jinta said...

* 'sewa - you know it wouldn't be the same. will he be able to piss by the gutter? cast an appreciative glance at another woman and compliment her? talk really dirty with his boys when you're present? eh-hen.

* laspapi - you're certainly way braver than i am. i like, i really like, the 'men develop coping strategies' bit and the 'i only want a cuddle' business. it beats me why anyone would 'only' want a cuddle when we're naked and she can feel my throb, but we're talking about women here, are we not? and trying to understand

Nicky said...

Jinta - What’s wrong with just wanting a cuddle? Why do men feel that they have to utilise their hard on!! It doesn’t run out.. Sorry to be brash, not in the mood for flowery language right now!

and hey.. what’s with this Jinta and indecent.. I thought I was your one and only!

Laspapi - Similarly women can’t give what they don’t have or feel so if we want to hold your hand or just want a cuddle it’s probably because our hormonal imbalance is putting us off at that present time. We are very complex creatures, we need the right conditions... today we want to be loved tomorrow we don’t. Just the way it is. No science.

The Indecent One..... said...

lol, jinta I see u dont know Omosewa then...woe betide the man let her catch him talking "dirty"....lol.

@ Laspapi, i feel like pouring hot water on u....where did u get that fact 4rm? who told u men are less rigid? lol @ accepting that u cant have it all in a woman. my dear U shud meet me then, I am that woman dat has it all...lmao. Yes i said it. and I am less rigid. Who told u women expect errthing in a man? The deal is this it varies 4rm individuals jo....dont be saying women this, men that. U shud see a man that is emotionally imbalanced and likes to cuddle too...and who told u women cant "cope"? why do u think the word "multi-tasking" was created? yes, it was coz of a lady....we can cope. Infact we invented cope....

ok i'm venting now...lol

Jinta said...

* nicky - i'm wondering how you know the hard on does not run out? for some, it does and it does not run back in for another 30 mins or so.

abt you being my one and only and my new love inde, you know i wont look anywhere else, how can i? but right now, i'm feeling vulnerable, i need someone to talk to and to hold my hand, and i need a cuddle. lmao

Jinta said...

* inde - i know omosewa o, very well sef, but you know we have to observe decorum on these pages, cant give the devil chance to spoil our love. lol

re yours to laspapi, no comment as he can speak for himself, when he's not busy doing naughty things...

Omosewa said...

I.O, lol, talk dirty ke? Except quoting bible passages qualifies as talking dirty nowadays...:o

Jinta, lol,piss in gutter as in piss in gutter or is that a slang for something else? When i say im cooler than the guys u must believe me, i dont mind helping him find hot girls to scope, women are beautiful creatures.

Have a nice weekend...mwahh

Jinta said...

* sewa - piss in the gutter as in piss in the gutter, my friend.

ok, next time we go out, i should be getting you to pick out choice pedigree for me

have a nice one

EXSENO said...

I think that you are perfectly within your rights to vent.
I hope you got it all out and feel better now.

And I am so glad to be old. lol

Onome said...

OMO!!!! see comments!!! well, i think men shouldn't see it as pressure. men should understand by now dat every woman wants to feel loved and appreciated just like dey do and it shouldnt be overdone....how u dey anyway??

The Indecent One..... said...

na wa o...we have to fry egg 4 junta to update....

Jinta update jo...u know u want u....

Uzezi said...

hear hear, @ Jinta i also suspect you may be right abt insecure guys. again, i play the devil's advocate here, do they not do the 'holy moses' things you describe becos they believe their partners prefer them to be that way?'

it cos from the beginning they presented a facade 'stead of being themselves, so the behaviour they began the relationship with, is what the woman expect to get all through! if he says, he doesn't drink or hang out late with friends, that's how it's gotta be!

Abeg update so I can have something beside comments to read.

Jinta said...

i go update o,serious flu-like symptoms dey worry me, like say i swallow sand paper, so i need you guys to feel sorry for me and spare me for a couple of days.

N.I.M.M.O said...

A wise man once said that romance is the difference between PLEASURE and PRESSURE.

Time was when men dueled to the death for a woman's hand. And the women found it 'romantic'.

Whose world is it anyway?

Nine said...

Lol@nimmo
One word.Control.

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

71 comments (mine included) and you don't think it is time to update? Shame on you, Jinta! Shame, shame, shame. hahahaha.

Just kidding. Hope all is well, my brother.



NIGERIAN CURIOSITY
IT WAS SO MUCH EASIER WHEN I ONLY HAD ONE...

Omosewa said...

Jinta dearest, sorry, are you feeling better?? You want my catering practical fish peppersoup?:D

Take it easy ok, drink lots of water...mwahhh

One fine girl wants to meet you- http://schichere.blogspot.com/2008/02/cant-think-of-one-i-dont-like-this.html

Hehehe*wink*

Omosewa said...

This shd make u laugh...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nYDz9k4dJM&feature=related

The Indecent One..... said...

lmao @ omosewa advertising blog...

LOL! gush ure so sweet...

@ Jinta, is the flu affecting ur hand? abi wetin?

Nicky said...

Take some Anadin Extra Extra and get on with the next post man!

TheAfroBeat said...

Bring on the T Pendergrass all the way! As for romance, can someone tell me what the Yoruba (or any indigenous language) word for it is? Yeah, i thought so. as long as you treat each other with love and respect, who cares who takes out the trash or goes out to drinks on friday? Honesty over romance any day (Well, except for birthdays and overrated holidays ;)

Sherri said...

How u feeling ?
will u be able to take delivery of the isi ewu?
pele o
wishing u a speedy recovery.

Queen of My Castle said...

Damn, in walks Queen...77 comments later, deduced to snaking on the leftovers. LOL

Um, I have mixed emotions about this post. Loved it as usual, but I prefer and honest man over romanitc/unromantic any day. If you want to go out, just say it, because I don't want you to stay home with me if what you really want is to chill and hang with your boys. You won't be much company anyway. Just keep it real.

Ahhhhh, Teddy P. Loves him! Close the Door, The Whole Towns Laughing...*Sigh* Good music to the soul.

LOL

Hope you feel better soon.

Jinta said...

* n.i.m.m.o. - sometimes, it's a man's world. most times, it's a woman's. i like your recollection of duelling men that women found romantic - i think it still goes on, only now, we don't use lances

* nine - i agree nimmo knows his stuff. sometimes, i dey fear the man sef

* solo - ah, my lovely sista, you're merciless o. flu jab me for left, sore throat pour san'paper down my thought, congested nose finish the job

* 'sewa - yippee, i have a fan! thanks for the link, but erm, i know you're just testing me, to see if our love is enduring. you should know i will neva look at another woman.

lol at the 2nd video. it took me a while to realize those boys disguised a stone as a ball. i felt like an agbaya laughing, but could not help myself

* inde - pls remind me not to propose to you. i was just about to until i read your comment. you were supposed to be giving me virtual massage, not dragging me to the keyboard

* nicky - how can you do this to me?

* afrobeat - "(Well, except for birthdays and overrated holidays;)": me like that comment, very much

* sherri - i received the isi ewu, thank you. that man you hear eating loudly is me devouring it with iyan, of course, with my mouth open.

* QomC - haba, see me camping in a tent in front of your house and you took your time to say hello?

along with teddy p, in my book, rank: the manhattans (shining star), kenny rogers (lady), gladys knight (killing me softly, midnight train to georgia), kenni thomas (thinking about your love), Barry White (this love), Betty Wright (tonight is the night), Dionne Warwick (heartbreaker), Freddie Jackson (rock me tonight), James Ingram (it's your night), Rose royce (wishing on a star), smokey robinson (cruisin'), temptations (just my imagination), .......ok, i think this just ran away with me.

laspapi said...

I think I love the indecent one.

The Indecent One..... said...

@ jinta, ma worry. I'll remind u :D

@ Laspapi, I'm even speechless. u aint well, lol. u think ke? come back wen ure sure...no be " i think" I go chop :D

Rayo said...

Wow...I was going to make a comment on how women should just give their significant others space...let the man go out for drinks on Friday with the boys jare...if that's what it's going to take for him to wake up next to you on Saturday--Happy and ready to spend the day with you, then dammit, let the man have his fun.

....but I'm sure somebody's already said that.

Jinta said...

* rayo - i like your ideas, and no, i dont believe anyone addressed it like that. where have you been?

1stpet2v9 said...

hmmmmm.......

Rayo said...

Really?! Nobody else has said it? I guess I'm unique! :)

I've been in hiding...deep in contemplation.

Jinta said...

* 1stpet - hmmm?

* rayo - your contemplation must have been in the open as i'd seen you around. lol

Rayo said...

lmao!! Public hiding of course!...

...fine, you caught me.

Adekunle Shobowale said...

My advise to men. Screen thoroughly before you marry. Screen for Psychos crazies. Look beneath the nice smile and curvy booty.I knoe it's hard but you don't wanna spend the rest of your life saying "Hi' to your best buddies. Nuff said